Clarissa JP

And there is no more light

to remind me of anything I used to know was right

You are not alone...

it's time to come home.

I wish I would have justed danced with you

at the beach that one warm night

when you and the moon kept asking me to.

Because I dance all the time now, with the the lingering scent left by you

and all the rotting fiery ashes of Summer, abondoned and now, turning blue

this is all that's left...

if only you just knew how I

couldn't wake up from my lucid nightmare

as you lied there decaying, waiting for me

to.

I am sorry.

I wish I ripped away everything that was tying us down and apart

united and bound by the self created knot right before the sun set

turned black upon us, and before you warned me it would be cold.

I just watched it fall,

as I wondered how I was so carelessly losing you; you and the moon

and now I dance only with the sun.

the moon ran away and it's too late now.

but I do, still dance, nonetheless,

As tells me once again, there will be no second chance,

no first dance.

I dance to the beat of your heart who once danced to rythm of mine.

I want come home now.

I want him to leave me alone, this deamon called time.

1 month, 2 month, three month, four.

I still watch the sunset everyday

only now, without you

though it is not getting easier than each day passed before.

In fact, with each darkened sky, I think that I love you

a little bit more.

I watch the sunset fall into the ocean

I watch everything fade into nothing, into complete black.

I look for your shadow next to the stars,

I am still waiting for you to come back.

-Mia Maguire

Jan. 7

written at sunset, looking out at the beach in Torrey's beach side house.

Photo cred:

Jack Dunbar, Aimee Borduer, and Hannah Davis of the company of people.

Current PLaylist:

Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros-

home

(such an amazing song, very old school and kind of folksy yet, modern at the same time...Also, I believe they are listed on the "likely" list to for this year's Coachella line up!)

Bob Dylan- yesterday

GIRLS-lust for life

Grizzly Bear-owner of a lonely heart

Joy Division-disorder

Yo La Tengo-black flowers and that summer

The Horrors-see within a sea

The Black Lips-dirty hands

Andre Nickatina-train with no love

Regina Spektor-samson, Us, hero

The Smiths- I won't share you

Prince-purple rain and beautiful ones

The Velvet Underground-some kind of love

Andy Samberg and SNL crew-I'm on a boat (video, as well <3)

Neil Young-down by the river

Destiny's Child-say my name (oldie but, goodie, bringing back my youth :) )

I was reading some poetry the other day and I stumbled across this surpisingly beautiful and nostalgic poem. I think its awesome and I can relate to the kind of hour glass-like anxiety of time and regretful vibe it exuedes.

Why I don't Take Naps in the Afternoon

It occurs to you that everything has gone awry.

It all should have turned out differently.

Everyone has chosen the wrong mate. Everything

that should have been spoken has been restrained.

It's not the world but the residue of what the

world intended. It all makes sense to you, now

that your mistresses have gotten married. Eternity.

We are living in eternity.

The clouds break open, the sun about to set.

Nothing you can do about it. You walk from your

hotel, down-rain washed streets, glistening in places.

The cafes are closed, or you feel they should be

closed. The life in them doesn't concern you

but the pull of the river, the dark brown current swirling in eddies, drawn too

powerfully to what it doesn't know, not to turn

back on itself. You watch a glassy ring, watch it

ripple then curl, till it's lost in the stream.

And you notice the pavement under your feet, the

hardness of it, and of the iron rail under your arms.

-Dan Gerber

Wow, I just haven't read a poem that made me feel like this one does in too long. I strangely, relate to it. To this feeling, to this kind of sad ephiphany and feeling as though you slowly and acceptingly watch as your life changes and perhaps falls apart becuase you are so unsure of how to change it. SO you just, watch it. Happening, handing away your control to nature. Sleeping with your eyes open through life. Never really awake because it would be too painful and too dificult to stand if you did open your eyes.

I don't really undertsand "men."

Just when I think I am ready to let my wall down again and let someone in.

They prove me right again. I just don not understand. I do not undertsand how people can be so ingenuine, so unloyal, so quick to lie (and so convincingly, might I add), and quite frankly, so full of shit.

I am really trying to eliminate my new motto, "fuck guys, they are all the same," because that sounds so infaintile and immature. And, I know, deep down this is just simply not true. But fuck! When is this bad luck with guys going to end.

According to horoscope, in the spring time.

I guess we'll see.

I want to be here...