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Monday, January 11, 2010

Exhausted by Certainty





And there is no  more light


to remind me of anything I used to know was right


You are not alone...


it's time to come home.


I wish I would have justed danced with you
at the beach that one warm night
when you and the moon kept asking me to.
Because I dance all the time now, with the the lingering scent left by you
and all the rotting fiery ashes of Summer, abondoned and now, turning blue
this is all that's left...


if only you just knew how I
couldn't wake up from my lucid nightmare
as you lied there decaying, waiting for me
to.
I am sorry.


I wish I ripped away everything that was tying us down and apart
united and bound by the self created knot right before the sun set
turned black upon us, and before you warned me it would be cold.
I just watched it fall,
as I wondered how I was so carelessly losing you; you and the moon
and now I dance only with the sun.



the moon ran away and it's too late now.
but I do, still dance, nonetheless,
As tells me once again, there will be no second chance,
no first dance.
I dance to the beat of your heart who once danced to rythm of mine.
I want come home now.
I want him to leave me alone, this deamon called time.

1 month, 2 month, three month, four.
I still watch the sunset everyday
only now, without you
though it is not getting easier than each day passed before.
In fact, with each darkened sky, I think that I love you
a little bit more.

I watch the sunset fall into the ocean
I watch everything fade into nothing, into complete black.
I look for your shadow next to the stars,
I am still waiting for you to come back.
-Mia Maguire
Jan. 7
written at sunset, looking out at the beach in Torrey's beach side house.

Photo cred:
Jack Dunbar, Aimee Borduer, and Hannah Davis of the company of people.

Current PLaylist:
Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros-
home
(such an amazing song, very old school and kind of folksy yet, modern at the same time...Also, I believe they are listed on the "likely" list to for this year's Coachella line up!)
Bob Dylan- yesterday
GIRLS-lust for life
Grizzly Bear-owner of a lonely heart
Joy Division-disorder
Yo La Tengo-black flowers and that summer
The Horrors-see within a sea
The Black Lips-dirty hands 
Andre Nickatina-train with no love
Regina Spektor-samson, Us, hero
The Smiths- I won't share you
Prince-purple rain and beautiful ones
The Velvet Underground-some kind of love
Andy Samberg and SNL crew-I'm on a boat (video, as well <3)
Neil Young-down by the river
Destiny's Child-say my name (oldie but, goodie, bringing back my youth :) )




I was reading some poetry the other day and I stumbled across this surpisingly beautiful and nostalgic poem. I think its awesome and I can relate to the kind of hour glass-like anxiety of time and regretful vibe it exuedes.
Why I don't Take Naps in the Afternoon
It occurs to you that everything has gone awry.
It all should have turned out differently.
Everyone has chosen the wrong mate. Everything
that should have been spoken has been restrained.
It's not the world but the residue of what the
world intended. It all makes sense to you, now
that your mistresses have gotten married. Eternity.
We are living in eternity.

The clouds break open, the sun about to set.
Nothing you can do about it. You walk from your
hotel, down-rain washed streets, glistening in places.
The cafes are closed, or you feel they should be
closed. The life in them doesn't concern you
but the pull of the river, the dark brown current swirling in eddies, drawn too
powerfully to what it doesn't know, not to turn
back on itself. You watch a glassy ring, watch it
ripple then curl, till it's lost in the stream.
And you notice the pavement under your feet, the
hardness of it, and of the iron rail under your arms.
-Dan Gerber


Wow, I just haven't read a poem that made me feel like this one does in too long. I strangely, relate to it. To this feeling, to this kind of sad ephiphany and feeling as though you slowly and acceptingly watch as your life changes and perhaps falls apart becuase you are so unsure of how to change it. SO you just, watch it. Happening, handing away your control to nature. Sleeping with your eyes open through life. Never really awake because it would be too painful and too dificult to stand if you did open your eyes.




I don't really undertsand "men."
Just when I think I am ready to let my wall down again and let someone in.
They prove me right again. I just don not understand. I do not undertsand how people can be so ingenuine, so unloyal, so quick to lie (and so convincingly, might I add), and quite frankly, so full of shit.



I am really trying to eliminate my new motto, "fuck guys, they are all the same," because that sounds so infaintile and immature. And, I know, deep down this is just simply not true. But fuck! When is this bad luck with guys going to end. 
According to horoscope, in the spring time. 
I guess we'll see.


I want to be here...



The Fate
Standing on the youthold I saw a shooting star
and knew it predestined encounter with the sole love
But that comet crashed into the earth so hard
Tilted its axis a bit not much but just enough
To make me miss meeting her by one or two yards.
-Bill Knott
(so beautiful)






Photos from Imaginary Zine
A new zine created in order to display new artistic and photographic talent.
This zine was also created by the talented, Hannah Davis, whose photogrpahy I discovered via the company of people, and use a lot on this blog. 
This zine will feature certain themes in order to inspire it's features work. 
Also, for any photogrpahers looking to publicize or publish there work, they are accepting submissions at imaginaryzine.com.
Their aesthetic inspirations include:
nostalgia, diary entries, mysticism, youth, travel, adventure, point and shoot cameras...etc